Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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