I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
