$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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