I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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