just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
the raccoons are back...
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