wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My balls are so social today.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
