I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
