so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
