There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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