i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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