1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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