there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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