I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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