I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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