Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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