I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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