I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
