ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
