i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
