big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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