Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
