Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
