Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
