dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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