Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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