Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so let's talk penis.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
