apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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