I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
