There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
