Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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