He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
