Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
