Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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