just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
whose parrot is this?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
