So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
