I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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