like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
