he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
