so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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