Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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