I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
