please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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