I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
