Have you finally orgasmed yet?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
