did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
