Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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