just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
