K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
