I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
