His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
