I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
